How to know if you are in a parasitic relationship and the remedy

A parasitic relationship is a relationship in
which one partner (the parasite) is helped, at
the expense of another partner (the host)
being hurt. [1] A parasitic relationship must be
distinguished from the other two forms of
symbiotic relationship[2]: mutualistic,[3]
where both partners benefit, and commensal,
[4] where one partner benefits, but the other
partner is unaffected. A parasitic relationship
is a harmful relationship for the host.
Therefore, it is important to identify it early
on, so further damage can be forestalled.
In a healthy relationship, one should seek to
give more and receive less, loving one another
as oneself. It should be mutually loving, caring,
respecting, and well-balanced. A parasitic
relationship is an imbalance that must be
identified and corrected promptly.
Steps
Identify the relationship. In order to know
whether you are in a parasitic relationship, you must
first identify the relationship. Identify the person or
living thing with whom you have a relationship.
Determine what benefits, if any, you have
derived from this relationship. For example:
Are you receiving love?
Are you getting/saving more money?
Are you living more healthily physically?
Are you finding food more easily?
Are you finding shelter more easily?
Are you able to go shopping more easily?
Are you able to perform daily routines more
effectively?
Is your life more meaningful as a result of the
relationship?
Determine what harms, if any, you have
derived from this relationship. For example:
Are you hurting emotionally?
Are you losing money?
Are you living more unhealthily physically?
Are you finding food more difficult to obtain?
Are you finding shelter more difficult to secure?
Are you having more difficulty shopping?
Are you finding your daily routines more difficult to
perform?
Is your life less meaningful as a result of the
relationship?
N.B.: this list is only an example, and may not apply
to you. You must make your own list of things that
are important to you.
Compare the two lists (benefits and harms you
obtained from the relationship) to see whether
overall you are benefiting or being harmed
from the relationship. For example, you can do
this systematically as follows:
Assign a weight of how important each item is to
you. For example, you can use a scale of 0-5, where 0
is not at all important, and 5 is extremely important.
Assign a score to each item, rating the extent to
which you have been affected. For example, you can
use a score of 1-10, where 1 is minimally affected,
and 10 is maximally affected.
Multiply the score you assign to each item by the
weight you assigned for that item. For example,
suppose shelter is more difficult for you as a result of
the relationship, shelter should be an item on your
list of harms. If shelter is very important to you, but
not the most important, you could assign it a weight
of 4. And if, because of the relationship, you are
experiencing moderate difficulty with affording
shelter, you could give it a score of 5, so multiply to
get a score of 20 for that item.
Do this for each item on the list of benefits, then add
up all the results. Do the same for the list of harms.
Now compare the two composite scores, to see which
score is bigger. If the list of benefits has a bigger
score than the list of harms, you are benefiting from
the relationship overall. If the list of harms has a
bigger score than the list of benefits, you are being
harmed by relationship overall.
Create a list of benefits and a list of harms
derived from the relationship by your partner.
This is a more difficult step, as you may not be fully
aware of all the benefits and harms derived by your
partner, and the extent to which each benefit or
harm is important. Just try your best to make up the
lists, knowing that they are estimations at best.
Do the same analysis you did for yourself to
see whether, overall, your partner is
benefiting, or is being harmed, by the
relationship.
Interpret the results, as follows:
If you are benefiting and your partner is benefiting,
you are not in a parasitic relationship (you are in a
mutualistic relationship).
If you are benefiting and your partner is being
harmed, you are in a parasitic relationship (you are
the parasite and your partner is the host).
If you are being harmed and your partner is
benefiting, you are in a parasitic relationship (your
partner is the parasite and you are the host).
If you are being harmed and your partner is being
harmed, you are not in a parasitic relationship (you
are in a mutually destructive, or abusive,
relationship).
Have a genuine, heart-to-heart conversation
with your partner. One of the most common
causes of conflicts in relationships is
misunderstanding. Perhaps you have misinterpreted
the facts. Perhaps some things have eluded your
thinking about the relationship. Perhaps your partner
is well-intentioned, but made mistakes unaware.
If you are in a parasitic relationship, take
action to correct this.
After talking with your partner, resolve any
misunderstanding, forgive, and discuss ways you can
both improve the relationship, so that neither partner
is harmed anymore.
Seek counseling and support from others if needed.
If the relationship cannot be repaired, look for a way
out respectfully and peacefully.
Sources and Citations
1 ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasitism