Tips on how to save your relationship or marriage

If you feel that sinking feeling coming on that
means your relationship is on the rocks, now
may be a good time to re-examine your
relationship with your loved one. There are
several steps you can take to put you and your
partner back on the road to recovery.
Decide if it is worth it. It is a depressing fact about
life, but some relationships may happen to be too far
gone to save. Therefore, take some time to really
think about the relationship. Find out the real cause
of the conflict or breakup. Is it your fault or your
partner's fault? If you are in an abusive relationship,
physically or emotionally, it may be best to leave and
find a fresh start. If not, you must be willing to take
on the following steps with a passion. If at the end of
the day you still think that the relationship is worth
saving, then go all out to save it.
Pinpoint the problem. It is hard to fix a
relationship when you do not know what went wrong.
Talk to your partner to see if they are willing to try a
problem-solving method known as "Plus Delta". If he
or she is willing, take some quiet time out of your day
where you two can do the following:
Each person needs a piece of paper folded length-
wise into thirds.
Label the first column "plus", the second column
"minus", and the third column "delta".
In the plus column, each of you must write several
things that you personally find to be good in your
relationship.
Ex. "our walks in the park" or "the way we wake each
other up when we have a bad dream"
In the minus column, individually write what you
each think are some negative aspects of your
relationship.
Ex. "how we resort to screaming when angry" or "our
lack of communication during arguments".
Delta is a term used in math and science that means
"change in". You should use this column to identify
specific changes that you wish to make in your
relationship. This can mean doing less of one thing or
doing more of another thing. Ex. "more cuddle time
while watching T.V."or "planning special dinner
dates" or "more daily communication".
Share your thoughts. It is important that these
thoughts are not shared in an angry or
argumentative way. You should hold each other's
hand while sharing your thoughts or cuddle up
together. It may feel awkward to do this if you have
been fighting a lot lately, but it can make a
difference.
Listen. When your partner is talking, do not
interrupt them to "counter" what they said or to
defend yourself. Keep in mind that if they wrote
something down under the minus column, it is
because it is truly hurting or worrying them. Whether
their feelings seem rational or not, it is important to
respect them.
Take action. Try to identify some of the most
important problems on each other's list and find a
way to fix the situation. For example, if
communication was a big problem, make it a point to
talk to each other for twenty minutes each day
without the T.V., radio, or computer on.
Maintain your progress. Be sure to apologize for
hurting each other's feelings and repeat the process
as often as needed
Try different moves with that person.